To All Humans: Corn. Let's Not Put A Clamp On It.

"Then plough deep while sluggards sleep, and you shall have corn to sell and keep." - Benjamin Franklin

Benjamin Franklin talking about corn, how much more American can it possibly get?

While Mr. Creighton is out to take the "Whole Foods" "new south" (i) approach to this question, I will attempt to represent the rest of us Walmart-loving (ii) and Genesis 1:28-29-following (iii) men and women.

(i) By Whole Foods I mean the organic or 'of the earth' humanitarian approach Cr8& has taken. By New South I mean this new sensation in the south revolving of southerners seeking to distance themselves from seersucker wearing, accent-flaunting, traditional individuals. Instead they have adopted the Chattanooga south approach of the outdoor-loving, granola-eating, tree-hugging, save-the-salmon-preaching, mountain biking, and mountain hardware-wearing individual.
(ii) Walmart-loving. Walmart=your everyday human being. Loving=ardent pursuit of enjoyment.
(iii) Genesis 1:28-29-following="[28] And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” [29] And God said, “Behold, I have given you every plant yielding seed that is on the face of all the earth, and every tree with seed in its fruit. You shall have them for food. (Genesis 1:28-29 ESV)"

Yes, men and women. We have dominion over all things on earth which God has given us, this includes corn. I'm deeply troubled that Creighton is taking us towards the fundamentalist (ironically the "Whole Foods" approach as well) route regarding corn.

Okay, you get the point. Men and women. Corn. They are different. Men and women have emotions. Dogs have emotion. Corn does not.

Dare we follow your logic Monseur Dryden and adopt such a traditionalist historical stance? Fine, we will.

Let's just eat all of our strawberries off the vine. Oh wait, my bad, I didn't realize that when I plucked this "precious" strawberry from the vine that I disembodied its entire purpose from creation.

Let's take it one further, if corn is so precious, according to your logic, why should we eat it at all? Those kernels are gettin detached from their cob one way or another and are going into the stomach of a human being. Before they, ahem, exit in a eerily distinct and natural form.

Also, would you fellas rather corn get disembodied from its cob or people lose their jobs? That's right. Only corn on the cob means no Corn Zipper. (see bottom).

No. Men, women, and children listen to me. Let's embrace our role as tenants of the earth. Not with pride but with thankfullness that God has given us the creativity and honor to farm, shuck, and eat corn.

Yes, I am saying what you think I am saying. Go out there and pluck off those kernels with pride if you so desire. Let those puppies off the cob. Because dag nabbit, it's tasty. It's delicious. It's freeing. It's therapeutic.

Get out your Corn Zipper, make that cob vertical, and begin the zippage. Let those kernels rain onto your ceramic (or paper) plate and smile, being thankful that you can indeed eat corn and not have it stuck in your teeth for a month. Do it if you so desire. And be thankful.

Corn is versatile, let's keep it that way.

Besides, let's be honest, creamed corn is absolutely and utterly the most fantastic anyway.

Two Sources:
A Great Commercial For Corn Off The Cob
The Corn Zipper In All Her Glory

Rain Makes Corn, Corn Makes EAR-responsible Decisions

That is an excellent question Stew,

Let me begin with this, while I have heard this sentiment time and time again I would like to go ahead and take my stance that the endeared term, "Corn on the Cob" is in fact, ridiculous , absurd, ludicrous, insidious, and misleading. Corn is grown naturally on the cob, that is how it is grown. So why do we have to specify that we are eating corn on the cob, when that is its natural form? would it not be more appropriate to state that we are just eating corn? The answer is yes.

Therefor my point is this, we should claim that we eat two variations (three if you count cream corn, but for the purposes of this discussion we don't!) We eat Corn and Corn off the Cob. Simple as that. Where this confusion in naming our corn's display comes from, I do not know. However it is obvious that this elaborate deception has infiltrated every aspect of our social, economical, and political lives. There is certainly a conspiracy afoot. I propose a radical change, lets begin referring to Corn on the Cob as simply Corn, as it should be, and as God intended.

Now, as to which method of corn is better for eating, well certainly that would be "Corn" (Corn on the Cob for those of you refusing to acknowledge this revolutionary change and obedience to God's providence). My reasons are this: because that is the natural way to eat corn, it is how corn is offered, and has anyone ever thought about the pain a cob of corn goes through by disembodying it's precious kernels from the cob? Ask the person next to you to pull out some of your hair.... not comfortable is it? That is most likely how the Cob feels when you disembody its kernels. For these reasons I deem "Corn" to be the best way to eat it, and "off the Cob" to be a cruel manner of eating.'

Some people call me a humanitarian for this stance I take, I just say I'm doing my part...

The Age Old Issue: Corn, On or Off?

Yes, that's right folks. We're tackling pertinent issues here at Stewin with Croutons.

Question: Corn, should it be on or off the cob?

As a homespun Illinois boy who is proud of this most majestic mayan vegetable plant, I love corn.. The corn in all its husky glory. But there is only one way to eat corn.

This Just In!: Bro Code Falls Short

Question:

Article 84 of the "Bro Code" states: A Bro shall stop whatever he's doing and watch Die Hard if it's on TV. - Ditto The Shawshank Redemption -Also Top Gun, The Big Lebowski, and the first half of Full Metal Jacket.

My question is this: Is this list extensive enough? Has the hallowed Code of Bro's accurately and fully covered the list of movies worthy of full stoppage of any and all activities, or is this Article in need of amendment?

-El Tigre Gringo (Creighton)

Dear El Tigre Gringo,

Response:

Your questions. Phenomenal. Your recitation of the Bro Code. Flawless. However flawless your recitation has been, it has brought me to the attention of the absolutely necessity of amending Article 84 of the "Bro Code". Follow me on a broscapade through explanation:

My stance: Amendment is imminent and necessary.

Proposed changes:
(i) the list of movies is restrictive and counterproductive to all things bro. example: I am grilling steaks outside on my charcoal bro grill while the smoke embellishes the entire yard leaving me in broville USA. It is completely unjust to suggest that I should cease all activity in the midst of my climaxing broification to come down on the bro level by walking inside to watch TV.
(ii) Arnold Schwartzanegger fails to be in any of these movies. NOT A SINGLE ONE. If he's not bro then I don't know who is.
(iii) we define the word bro.

Suggested Final Amended Article:
Article 84: A bro shall stop whatever he's doing (unless he is currently maximizing broage (ex. fishing out of the back of his Ford F450 with a case of Keystone)) and watch Die Hard if it's on TV. Ditto The Shawshank Redemption -Also Top Gun, The Big Lebowski, any Schwarzanegger movie, and the first half of Full Metal Jacket.

Happy Bro-ing,
Stewblogger

ARTICLE 84 of the "Bro Code"

Article 84 of the "Bro Code" states: A Bro shall stop whatever he's doing and watch Die Hard if it's on TV. - Ditto The Shawshank Redemption -Also Top Gun, The Big Lebowski, and the first half of Full Metal Jacket.

My question is this: Is this list extensive enough? Has the hallowed Code of Bro's accurately and fully covered the list of movies worthy of full stoppage of any and all activities, or is this Article in need of amendment?

-El Tigre Gringo (Creighton)

Author's note: the "Bro Code" is the governing body of laws, much like the Constitution, that provides men with all the rules they need to know in order to become a bro and behave properly among other bros. With the helpful articles and life altering lessons, the Bro Code will help any ordinary guy become the best Bro he can possibly be.